


Keeping Secrets

by wth_am_i_writing



Series: Descent [14]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Cowgirl Position, Cussing, Dissociation, Dubious Consent, F/M, Fight Sex, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jealousy, Kink, Light Masochism, Light Sadism, POV Second Person, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Smut, Vaginal Sex, Wall Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-15 02:49:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16925121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wth_am_i_writing/pseuds/wth_am_i_writing
Summary: N was determined to prevent Hyuk from finding out about your relationships.





	Keeping Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr on January 17, 2014.
> 
> Original Author’s Note: Part of the Descent Series. This probably can be read as a stand alone, but the finer details make much better sense in the grand scheme of the series. Honestly, I think this is the first N piece in this series that shows just how fucked up he is. He’s been a fantastic subtle bastard up until now, but he’s only going to go farther in his next piece, whenever I get to that. Here he’s basically embodying a Hyde and Jekyll personality. Chronologically, this takes place sometime several weeks after “Fear”, to give some insight in the mindset. It’s a pretty heavy piece. Hope you guys enjoy it.

“What the hell were you thinking?” N hissed, pinning you to the wall as soon as the door to his bedroom was shut.

“Why the hell are you even mad?” you hissed back, trying to keep your voice low, lest Hyuk hear you on the other side of the wall. Of all the positions he had to choose when confronting you, he had to choose pinning you to the wall. It was all you could do to just fluff up your feathers and not punch him.

“He thinks we’re just friends.”

“So I can’t even hug my friend after the final performance of his first big part? That’s what we are, _just friends_.” Your words seemed to cut through his ego. He stared you down, eyes awash with emotions.

“We’re not just friends and you know it,” N said after a few long moments.

“So we’re fuck buddies. What does it matter?” N’s eye twitched minutely at the words. Had you not been used to his habit of suppressing his hurt, you’d have missed the pained expression that flitted across his face. He slid his hand up your arm to you shoulder and leaned forward so he was only a few centimeters from your face.

“Because you like him,” N whispered, the words hot on your flesh. “No—you’re falling in love with him. That’s why it matters.” The whisper had turned into a hiss. His tone and words pissed you off. He was right and you couldn’t deny it at all, but you were in no place mentally to jump into another relationship. You shoved him away and tried to walk past him so you could get ready for bed, but he pulled you back. The moment your back hit the wall his free hand flew up to your side and held you into place. The grip was bruising and brought back memories of a certain person you’d rather not think about.

“He’s not interested in me like that,” you spat, trying to wiggle out of N’s grip.

“He is. You don’t see the way he looks at you when you’re turned away.”

“I’m not going to pursue him like that. I still haven’t figured out what’s going on wit Ravi or Leo yet.”

“You don’t love them,” N hissed.

“Shut up!” you snapped, your whisper as harsh as the slap you landed on his cheek. Angered that you struck out at him, N pulled his hand back and punched you firmly in the gut. You crumpled, winded. Gripping the end of your hair, he pulled your head up so you were once again only centimeters away.

“If you play this right, you can make him fall for you.” His words made your stomach churn, but you knew deep down that the idea was appealing. But you knew that you weren’t ready just yet, that you had to come to terms with everything else first. You had to distract him from it all, so you did the only thing you could think of. Leaning forward, you caught his lips in a kiss. The action caught him off guard, but he soon melted into the kiss. Your hands caught the sides of his face, allowing you to take full control.  The moment he seemed to realize you were trying to distract him, you raised your knee straight into his crotch.  The blow wasn’t particularly hard, but it was enough to cause his knees to go weak and draw his hands away from you.

“Stop thinking about Hyuk and start worrying about the relationship in front of you,” you whispered, more calm than you had thought you were capable of at the moment. He stared at you, hands coving his crotch and a thoughtful expression mixing with the pain he was trying to recover from. Slowly, he pulled one hand away from his crotch and cupped your cheek with a feather light touch. You flinched back, but his hand moved with you. Barely letting the pads of his fingers touch your flesh, he kept the physical connection.

“Even if he finds out… Even if he and everyone else leaves you, I’ll still be here,” he finally said. His voice was small, caught in his throat, nervous and emotional. You tried to pull away again, but he quickly pulled you into another kiss. His other arm quickly wrapped around you and pulled you in. You could tell he was still in pain from his posture, but he seemed desperate to make you believe what he’d just said—desperate enough to push that pain aside.

You couldn’t deny that his words were comforting. In the back of your mind you knew they were naïve, but you let yourself melt into the kiss anyway. As things escalated quickly, you couldn’t help thinking that maybe N could rekindle the fire you’d lost. Maybe N could be successful at what Leo and Ravi hadn’t been. But the dread still resurfaced as he stripped you. Though his fingers knew where to touch you, knew how to bring you to climax, you just couldn’t get into it like you had before. When he hooked your leg around his naked waist and pressed his condom-clad dick into you, you knew exactly how futile your earlier hopes had been.

He established a rhythm and tried his best to touch everything you’d always wished Leo had been observant enough to. But Ken had touched those same places and you couldn’t help but recall that too. So you unfocused and drifted. It wasn’t until N adjusted you against the wall and murmured three little syllables into your ear that you snapped out of it, suddenly overcome with the desire to fight back and actually make _yourself_ feel good. The urge to _hurt_ him, to make him bruised and submissive, took over your motor functions. You buried your hand into his hair and pulled his head back with everything you’d had in you.

“ _Hurts_.”

Had you both just said that at the same time? You grunted in discomfort as you slapped N’s shoulder. You weren’t wet enough and the friction was getting extremely uncomfortable.

“You got tighter,” N moaned. You hissed hitting him again. He fucking enjoyed it from the way he twitched and tensed. “Fuck, it’s tight.”

“Because it _hurts_ ,” you hissed, fighting back the tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. But he couldn’t see them for the angle you held his head at, which was no doubt uncomfortable. His entire neck was exposed and the only thing he could probably see was the ceiling. It was a wonder he’d managed to keep his hips moving, though he had fumbled the rhythm.

“ _Feels good_ ,” N moaned. You released his hair and drug your nails down the back of his neck as you leaned forward to bury your face in the crook of his neck. Maybe he would confuse your tears with sweat. He slid his hand up from your hip to finger the bruises he’d left on your ribs earlier. The less than dull ache caused the first tears to drop, and you wondered just how you were going to stop the developing meltdown. You just wanted to forget, wished Ken’s face didn’t come to mind when N pressed you harder against the wall.

You beat his shoulder, sure you were leaving some nasty bruises behind. If he wanted to fuck, he could have at least chosen a different position. But he seemed to like doing it standing up against the wall, thrusting with urgency and touching sloppily. And you had too at one point. But now you were more focused on turning this quickly sickening experience into something bearable. He shifted your hips, more easily hitting your sweet spots. Suddenly remembering some of Ken’s words, you gagged, muscles tightening as you tried to control the reaction. Physically you were feeling something, but everything was such a turn off mentally. Oh God, how you wished it could feel good, that you could feel normal in positions like these again.

In your desperation, you sunk your nails into the flesh over N’s spine, just below his neck. He groaned, bucking slightly as his flesh gave way. Digging deeper and tugging his flesh open was the only way you could ease your discomfort. The way he twitched, hissed and groaned in pleasure at the action, at the blood that was starting to trickle out, the only thing that was bringing you pleasure at the moment. Never before this would you have thought he’d enjoyed pain. The sudden and uncontrollable urge to ride him over took you and you released him. Bringing both hands to his chest, you pushed him back.

“Get off me,” you ordered, voice soaked with tears and desperation. When had you broken down so far? N pulled out, stepped back. His eyes were wide, as if he’d just realized how horribly you were falling apart at the moment. You lowered your leg from around his waist and took a moment to compose yourself before grabbing his wrist and dragging him to the bed. Shoving him down on the bed, you crawled on top and straddled his lap. You buried both hands into his hair and pulled his head from side to side, looking deep into his eyes. He was confused, the fight you’d been having just minutes before seemingly completely out of his mind. You couldn’t help the question that spilt form your lips: “Why the _fuck_ do you care if things go well between me and Hyuk?”

He stared at you for a long moment, carefully thinking about how to phrase his answer.

“Because I want you to be happy. And I can’t do that for you.”

You shoved him flat on his back, fighting back tears once again. You punched at his stomach, too overwhelmed by everything. Remembering the way his flesh relenting under your touch had eased your anxiety earlier, you clawed into his stomach. He twitched, a throaty moan accompanying the movement. You repeated the action, getting an even better reaction. The red scratches you left behind excited you more than anything he’d done to you before. Deciding to try having him inside you again, you took his cock and positioned yourself.

N gripped the bed sheets as you lowered down. It didn’t take long for him to get lost in ecstasy as you built the rhythm. While the new position was better, you still couldn’t get there. When N came, arching into your thrusts, you followed with a half built orgasm that left you wanting something you didn’t know how to satisfy.

Catching your breath, you pulled away and collapsed between him and the wall. “Maybe it’d be better if Hyuk caught us,” you murmured, thoughts drifting back to the teen in the next room over.

N’s hand sought yours out and gripped it tightly. When he finally caught his breath he asserted, “He won’t find out. He won’t ever find out. I won’t let him.”


End file.
